Halfway There...or so I thought...

Just gonna go ahead and warn everyone this blog entry is not going to be the positive, upbeat entry/mindset that I have been trying so hard to keep up...

I was planning on blogging last night about how I was halfway done but my body had other plans. I have been having lower back pain. Most likely from the way Jake is sitting - he is completely curled up on my right side which means my right half of my lower back is killing me. Throw in a hospital bed and having to be in it most of the time and I am just asking for it to get worse. They came and did an extra massage yesterday where I felt some brief relief. It is such a constant dull pain that it was hurting when I would try and take a deep breath and it was throbbing just sitting there. Pete tried to make it better. I tried stretches. I tried heat and then ice. Finally, they gave me some Flexerol (muscle relaxant) and I went on my wheelchair ride. After about 15 minutes into it, I told Pete that I needed to come back upstairs because of the pain. They brought in a birthing ball (big plastic ball you sit on) and there was some relief but then I stood up and I felt like my right leg had completely disconnected. I got into bed and the nurse brought me two vicodin. Ahh, relief. Amazing! They said I could have it every 4 hours but it completely knocks me out and makes me loopy! BUT no pain and total relaxation - don't mind if I do!

Also last night, one of the NICU doctors, Dr. Pyle came over for a visit. I was asking him about his opinion on a 36 weeker vs a 37 weeker. I was trying to be prepared for my doctor so that if he decided to push me to 37 weeks I could have some more knowledge on the subject. Before Dr. Pyle left, he said that he could talk to my doctor for me if I wanted. I don't want to rock the boat. I trust my doctor, but he can get pretty set in his ways which then brings out my stubborn side. Anyways, Dr. Pyle stayed for a little while to visit with my husband and I and it was so nice of him to come over and give us that extra attention when I know how swamped the NICU is.

Slept soundly last night thanks to my new Vicodin pals. This morning my doctor came in and told me that he had spoken to these other doctors (Maternal Fetal Medicine) and they all recommended to push to 37 weeks. WHAT?! I felt defeated. At 36 weeks (in my opinion) the biggest concern is the baby...well, at least the reason you would delay would be for the benefit of the baby because IF you delay you are increasing my risks. Basically, IF the concern is the baby at 36 weeks, shouldn't you be talking to NICU/baby doctors?? I hap-hazardly said "So, all of the time I have spent here deciding logically that 36 weeks sounds good to me doesn't really matter at this point?" Again, I didn't say it in a mean way, just asking... He jokingly said "Yeah, we don't give a rat's behind what you think". I love my doctor but I was not in the mood...

So he leaves and I cried. I cried a lot. For good reason? Probably not. The thought of having to change my tally count on my dry erase board from 11 more days to 18 more days just made me feel so sad. In the grand scheme of life, 7 days is nothing. But tell that to my husband who is running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Tell that to all the many many friends and family that have had to help with babysitting. Tell that to my girls that don't have their mommy around. Explain how 7 days is no big deal to me when my girls are changing right before my very eyes. 7 more days of me not tucking them into bed or giving them a bath or snuggling on our couch with them. Today, 7 more days feels like a long time...

Trust me, once my negativity over this passes (which it will soon), it will not be a big deal.

34 total days in the hospital
13 days down...18 days until Jacob Robert...21 more days until I get to be home...